05 September 2009

Coping with Life Changes

It hit me hard yesterday. I didn't mean for it to. But it just did. And I wasn't prepared for it. At all.

I cried. 

I wept.

I couldn't breathe because all my passages were blocked from tears and snot. Yep, snot.

I miss my family. I miss being a stone throw's away. I miss Family Night Fridays.

I think it was one of those situations where everything wells up and when you least expect it, it all comes rushing out in one serious avalanche. All the excitement from the wedding has passed. All the stress from moving has passed. I think I'm finally settling in to living in Texas and I let my guard down.

But in a way, I'm glad it happened. I feel bad for my husband because I'm sure he feels like it's partially his fault. But it's not. It's not like he threw me in a burlap sack and dragged me to Texas. Hardly. It's just one of those things that happens when you get married: compromise.

The transition to married life has been on the easier side of the spectrum. I didn't think it would be terrible. I went to college 500 miles away from home. I studied abroad in France. I went to Florida for an internship, where I met my husband. But I think the difference lies in the fact that all of those adventures had an end in sight. This is permanent change.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about being married. I love my husband through and through. It's just been a tougher transition that I expected since I have no friends or family here. My family used to be all around me. My friends just a drive away. Now, we stay connected through the internet and phones. I know a few people through my husband, but none of my own friends. I need to find spaces to meet people.

It's difficult too, since I work from home and I'm my only co-worker. I sit at home with the temptation of the television and digital cable. I have a lot of time to think about things. I always feel better when I get out of the apartment for a couple of hours, even if my only interaction with other people is with the Starbucks cashier.

I know that once I find my own circle of friends, I'll feel better.

And to think it all started when we were talking about how he had the original Teddy Ruxpin and I had some other talking bear, whose name I can't remember for the life of me. Strange.

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